In a previous post, I covered Denying Feedback and protecting one’s ego. Ego interacts interestingly with age. Children view the world quite differently from adults. Children see each other more as equals, and their sense of pride has not yet been shaped or shattered by experience. Without a developed perspective, ego has less room to dominate a child’s thoughts. It’s only as children grow and establish themselves mentally, as well as within their own communities, that their ego fully matures.
I came across a study suggesting that adults are just as good, if not better, than children at learning new languages. This challenges the common belief that children are natural “sponges,” soaking up new information effortlessly. While there’s some truth to this, couldn’t the same be said for capable adults? What makes children and adults so different in learning that there’s a widespread belief that children learn languages—and perhaps other subjects—faster or better?
Ego can significantly impact performance, especially in group settings. At its best, ego can push personal boundaries and enhance perceived control. At its worst, it blinds us to data and clouds judgment. A degree of delusion is necessary for success—after all, “shoot for the moon” is a popular saying. Yet, a healthy balance of delusion is tricky, as ego often tips the scales. The stronger the delusion, the harder it is to navigate situations accurately.
When someone stops accurately assessing and navigating, they are said to be lost. Being lost impedes progress. Even if extra effort is exerted to counter this impediment, this may still be less effective than simply moving in the right direction slowly from the start. In other words, slow and steady wins the race.
To move steadily requires humility. When we are younger, this humility comes more naturally, as our ego has yet to fortify itself in order to shield ourselves from failure. With an open mind and a pursuit of truth, only the results matter. As we develop a fear of failure and a preference for pride, our ego obstructs learning.
The belief that children learn faster or better than adults has some merit. However, adults can learn just as quickly or better. It’s our ego—something children are less burdened by—that often impedes the adult learning process. The effects of ego are powerful and mysterious, perhaps influencing more than just our learning. This is partly why How to Win Friends and Influence People remains popular; it addresses our ego and our tendency to dismiss others.
It’s astonishing how blind we are to both our own ego and its societal impact on our perceptions. As my father ages, he struggles more with learning and change. A lot of factors contribute to this, but one significant reason is his sense of pride and self-perceived competence. His pride dictates his confidence, shaping the way he navigates life. When faced with tasks outside his comfort zone, his pride insists on his competence in other areas, making it hard to reconcile discrepancies between his expectation and his reality. This often leads to a retreat where his ego remains protected and the result is no new learning.
Children have little ego to defend. Adults, with their matured ego, can sometimes place learning—and even other pursuits—second to their pride.
Leadership, Design, Writing 