Asian American Subversion

When I first got an iphone, I thought emojis were kind of dumb. That’s usually an indicator for something becoming fantastically popular. When Apple introduced colored emojis, I thought it was an easy compromise for inclusion that would be obviously seen for what it is. I mean, we started with Simpsons yellow and no one is yellow skinned, right?

I am yellow skinned.

But my preferred colored emoji was the lightest skin one. After all, I wasn’t that tan. In my mind, my skin color matched the color of the emoji I chose. And that connection seemed to be simply good. I didn’t have any black friends to text me black emojis, but the occasional black Santa would appear out of humor or fun.

I started thinking about color identity post college, especially around dating. When I was younger, I had a much more selective dating profile and as I grew older and met more people of different cultures, I became less picky and more exposed to interracial interactions. Younger me hung out and interacted with people of different races and cultures. But there’s something about dating, the intimacy and the closeness of it, which allows more expression and interpersonal interpretation.

The most surprising thing was discovering this with other Asian Americans. When I moved to California, my dating pool of Asian women increased dramatically from what I was used to in Chicago. The culture in California is much more Asian influenced, measured simply by the density of boba shops.

More than one other Asian American texted me using the fairest skinned emojis. At this point in my texting career, I had gone back to the default Simpsons yellow of emojis. After all, it was the default one and I should be proud to be Asian, right? I would receive fair skinned emojis from white girls and Asian girls alike. Were the women I was texting experiencing the same American bias I had once expressed?

In modern Eastern cultures, fair skin is seen as a luxury, being able to avoid the sun or any arduous labor. Pale skin on men and women is found to be attractive. It could be seen as a form of white washing, having Asian skin snow white. It’s hard to say if this look translates to all Western Asian women, if their ideals of beauty are mixed influenced or dominantly influenced by one culture more than the other.

What I can say without a doubt as a designer is that it takes more than 0 steps to customize an emoji expression and this applies to emojis individually, meaning users must repeatedly and consciously make the decision to customize their emoji colors with each different emoji. And with that in mind, why wouldn’t I own up to having “yellow” skin and being the only race able to use the default emoji color? This alone confirms my suspicion that the Asian identity in America is to be as inconspicuous as possible. To be the model citizen is wear the skin of highest class.

Rù Xiāng Suí Sú 入乡随俗 is a Chinese idiom which literally translates to Enter Village Follow Custom. We may understand it as When in Rome, do as the Romans do. I have significant doubts as to whether the girls I went on dates with knew of these ancient wisdoms. What I can say undoubtedly is that the culture of blending in is ingrained deeply into the Asian American identity, from first generation immigrants like my parents to California natives I’ve met who are third generation and their mother tongue escapes them.

The identity I find myself most closely identifying to in America is not other Asian Americans. Sometimes the closer I get with other Asians, the more alienated I feel with myself. This is coming from someone who has gone back to China several times, whose parents prefer to speak Chinese at home. It feels strange to say the most close I feel to identifying with others is with other white guys. And I can clearly see this in my younger brother, who loved his white dominated college fraternity. It’s something I saw in the dating market and it’s something I see that is not unique to Asian culture – the idea of blending into American culture.

It’s been easier to accept and embrace my Asian identity as I’ve gotten older, especially with more media sourcing talent and stories from around the world. I believe Asian pride and expression will rise, but remain capped by it’s national and local popularity. I can say this about all cultures and minorities around the world. But how many other races have to take one extra step to remove themselves from their “yellow pride” to customize their emoji? Every time you get a text with a thumbs up, a prayer hands, or the occasional middle finger, remember the user on the other side had to pick their color and that color says something about them.